I am writing something that my father is not going to read ever. He was my biggest cheerleader; read everything I wrote and watched every video I uploaded on my YouTube channel. He was also aware of the book that I am writing for a long time now and has even blessed me for that. He was really happy to know about it.
It has been extremely difficult for me to concentrate on anything after I lost him. Nothing makes me happy anymore and I have lost the zeal with which I used to do things earlier. I miss talking to him the most. Just a five-minute conversation with him would take away all my worries. He had simple solutions to everything. He was the most loving man I know.
Somewhere down in my heart, I have still not come to terms that he is not with me anymore. At times, I wake up suddenly thinking about him, most of the time I cry privately and sometimes I cry out loud. Once, I woke up in the middle of the night and almost picked up my mobile to call him, just to realize, I can’t. I was in a different world for a moment. These things have become a part of my normal life now. One can never come out of the grief of losing a parent.
I feel the best thing I can do is to pour my heart out. Writing is the therapy I have chosen for myself, a journey that would be emotionally difficult and cathartic at the same time. He is always in the back of my mind; his memories make me happy and his absence makes me go numb. My thoughts will now find words that will keep me close to him, in the form of written pages, a book, a memoir.
That’s the theme I have chosen this year in the spur of a moment. It would be difficult because it is a very emotional thing that I am going to do and I am not sure if I would be able to complete this or not. April is dad’s birthday month and I am going to spend the entire month writing about him, remembering him and celebrating his life. You will get to read a lot of stories, incidents and memories, some happy, some sad and some shocking. Also, some secrets that only we as a family know, certain things that shouldn’t have happened but have affected us in a big way. I am taking inputs from my mother and sister every day on this and over the video calls, we are already having an emotional meltdown re-visiting the happy days.
All this and more will be presented in the series of alphabetical A-Z blogposts. I find the A-Z challenge very interesting, I have done it before, and I hope I control my emotions and focus completely on finishing the challenge. If you are also participating in this exciting challenge, drop your links here and I will surely visit your blog.
Stay tuned and be with me as I take this journey of creating a memoir.
I’m participating in #BlogchatterA2Z and hyperlink to https://www.theblogchatter.com