D – Durga Puja and the Darkest Night

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Durga Puja used to be our favourite time of the year. This festive season was the most awaited one and it would always bring happiness. There used to be planning, and preparations, the air would be thick with the feeling of welcoming the goddess, getting a glimpse of her, worshipping her and celebrating the homecoming of Maa Durga. Then, one dark night, everything changed forever. Durga puja isn’t the same for us anymore. What happened that year is going to haunt me and break me down with the onset of every Durga puja.

It was the evening of Saptami and we were all decked up to visit the puja venue. Due to the lockdown, in India that year there was no social gathering, puja pandal, idol or any festive functions. Luckily, in Perth, things were under control and everything went on smoothly.

In the morning I had a video call with my parents and I told them that at night when I visit the venue, I’ll call them up again so they can see Maa Durga’s idol and pray. We were all praying for baba’s recovery. He was doing fine after the surgery. He showed improvement, he had the will to get back on his feet, and he had also started walking with support.

His throat cancer relapsed after a gap of almost ten years. The first time he was cured completely through chemotherapy but this time he had to undergo a major operation of eight long hours. Surprisingly, ten years ago, it was on my birthday when the doctor shared the good news that he was completely cured and was out of danger. I remember how he celebrated my birthday in the hospital canteen by secretly buying a pastry and singing the birthday song for me. This year also, he made it a point to make me feel special on my day. He wished me in advance before entering the operation theatre but the next day on my birthday when I received a video call from my mother, I was surprised to see baba with her. I was under the impression he was still in the ICU. He could barely move his jaw to speak but I was still able to hear “Happy Birthday” and I was in tears. Even in so much pain, he made my day. Little did I know, that was the last time he was wishing me my birthday.

Later, doctors discharged him saying his condition was good but he would still need a lot of time to recover completely. He was happy to be back home. He couldn’t speak or eat but would listen to me and watch my kids play on our daily video calls. With all the pipes attached to his mouth and throat, he would manage to smile too. I never saw him give up.

On Saptami, when I went to the puja venue, Maa Durga looked as beautiful as ever and I kept looking at her. I thanked her for giving baba the strength to recover and asked her to take care of him. All my prayers were for him. I then made a video call and showed them everything, the idol, the arrangements, the food and they were so happy that I could attend it. Everything was fine and normal till then. We returned home after having a lavish dinner and were fast asleep within hours.

Late at night, I was woken up by my husband. He was unable to say anything, was crying and handed over his mobile phone to me. I couldn’t understand what was going on and took the phone from him. It was a call from my sister. I asked him why was he crying and then asked my sister what happened? All she could say was “baba nei” (baba is no more) and there was silence. I could only hear cries. My sister was howling, my husband was crying and I sat there frozen, in shock and disbelief. The call got disconnected, I didn’t believe what she said. Until the evening everything was fine, what could have gone wrong suddenly? I called up again, this time a video call and I said, “I want to see baba. Where is he?”

She took the phone near his bed, where he lay, lifeless. My heart was the heaviest, it skipped a

beat, my throat was dry and my vision blurred. I called him as loud as I can, “baba” but he didn’t answer.

My whole world came crashing down. I died that very moment with him.

To be continued…

Coming up next –

E – Ended with the final journey

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